How To Be A Modern-Day Fictional Heroine

It used to be so easy. All you needed was a thick mane of tousled auburn locks, high cheekbones and a determined little chin; add an ounce of determination and an event from your past that haunts you still. Then, wham! You were the perfect fictional heroine. But now it’s not so simple. With television shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Ally McBeal, books like Bridget Jones’s Diary and Good in Bed, and movies like Miss Congeniality and Legally Blonde, we’re getting all sorts of mixed messages over how the ideal woman is supposed to be. What’s a modern girl who wants to hold herself up to impossible standards to do? Simple! Just follow these guidelines, and you’ll be as witty, complex and neurotic as the rest of them. In other words – you will be the perfect, modern-day fictional heroine. Step 1 – Be Flawed This step is super easy, because come on, we’re all already flawed anyway, right? Right! Except for one little catch. It is necessary to adopt the correct flaws, and these three are non-negotiable. 1.)You must be self-involved. This includes comparing your own petty personal problems to things like death, war, and injustice, and finding some sort of unique parallel no matter what the situation may be. It also includes having a constant inner dialogue with yourself where you point out these parallels with witty commentary. For example: “Even the news reminded me of him. Yesterday I saw this report that said routine circumcision in Africa could prevent 300,000 deaths in the next ten years. What a shocker! Chopping away at a guy’s penis could help eliminate pain, loss, and heart-ache. What will they think of next?” 2.)You must have issues with food. If you plan to be a television or movie heroine, this means that you cannot eat. Period. If you plan to be a book heroine, this means that you must eat all the time, except when you’re not eating, and then you should be thinking about eating. I strongly recommend the second option. 3.)You must become preoccupied with an unhealthy relationship. This includes but is not limited to, relationships with boyfriends, friends, mothers, fathers, roommates, and exes. Especially exes.(And make sure that your ex is dreamy, preferably with a new girlfriend who is in no way as good for him as you were.) Step 2 – Practice Retail Therapy Today’s modern day fictional heroine realizes one fundamental truth – that there is no problem too big or too small that cannot be remedied with shopping. Again, there is a catch; you need to be careful of what you go shopping for. Hard and fast rule – anything that’s practical or cheap is out. Other than that, I have provided you a list of approved shopping items, with the most highly recommended items on top, and continued in descending order: •Designer shoes •Designer beauty products •Designer chocolate •Designer purses •Designer lingerie •Anything else designer •Clothes (This is listed as the very last option because although clothes shopping can be a lot of fun, if you happen to have gone up a size, the blow to your ego will be so enormous that it will negate the therapeutic aspect of said retail therapy.) Step 3 – Have a purpose, deeply question it, then either accept it or abandon it to find a new purpose. Rather than go into unnecessary detail, I have created a handy-dandy chart. Just pick an option from each column and you’ll be good to go. Column A 1.You’re a (lawyer, publisher, or banker) and you love the power and money. 2.You’re a (doctor, policewoman, or writer) and you love changing lives. 3.You’re a stay-at-home mom and you love your family. 4.You’re all of the above, and you’ve never been so fulfilled! Column B 1.It’s all getting to be too much and nobody understands you. 2.None of it means anything anymore and nobody understands you. 3.You wish you could have some time for yourself, and why doesn’t anyone understand you? 4.Is this really what you set out to do? You did major in art history after all. Column C 1. After meeting the right guy, you decide to chuck it all and live overseas. 2. After falling back in love with the guy you’ve been with for years, you decide to start your own home-based greeting card company. 3. After realizing that the nerdy guy is actually the one for you, you return to your career with a new sense of purpose. 4. Who needs health insurance anyway? You decide to take some time off just to focus on you. Conclusion: So you see; it’s really not that hard for truth to imitate fiction. Gone are the days of walking moors, wearing corsets, and dying of consumption. Nowadays all you need is a little attitude thrown in with a barely noticeable social complex. So get your credit cards ready, preheat the oven for those brownies, and start living your life as if everyone can (and wants to) hear what you have to say. A new age has arrived!

Audio Books - 5 Unheard of Uses

Five Reasons to Listen to Audio Books You May Never Have Thought Of

The typical hardcover or paperback book is not going anywhere. The format shows no signs of ever dying off, even after considering the many technological advances made in recent years. It would, however, be foolish to deny the obvious and not so obvious benefits of listening to audio books. Here are some ways audio books could be put to use:
1. Do you like reading poetry? Then experience it in the way it was meant to be experienced: with your ears! Back in the good old days, it was not uncommon for poets to recite their works before a swooning audience. The great Irish poet and playwright, W.B. Yeats, was said to have written poetry in such a manner that, when vocalized, it would have a certain effect on the ears of its hearers. If you like the writings of T.S. Eliot, there is actually available a recording, on compact disc, of Mr. Eliot himself reading his own poetry. It’s obviously a fascinating investment for fans of Eliot. It’s only one in a series called The Voice of the Poet.
2. Fight road rage while listening to audio books—seriously. Statistics show that violent crime resulting from what is commonly known as “road rage” has increased tremendously over the past couple of years. If you happen to be one of those individuals with a bit of a mean-streak when behind the wheel, then don’t take to the boulevard without Waitley’s Optimal Stress Reduction in your passenger seat—or simply check out a few of the innumerable audio book titles available from an audio book rental club or in your local book store in the self-help section
3. Revisit the “Golden Age of Radio”. It is now possible to find a vast array of classic radio dramas on compact disc. Fans of The Shadow radio program have known this, and are undoubtedly pleased. Also, if you happen to like The Twilight Zone television series, then try to get your hands on a copy of The Twilight Zone Radio Dramas—Lou Diamond Phillips and Adam West are among the talent contributing to these programs.
4. Struggling in child-rearing? Audio books just might be part of the solution. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is a hit with the kids (just as every other Harry Potter book has been); and an obvious choice might be an audio book from the Lord of the Rings series—these classic Tolkien works are available in abridged and unabridged editions.

5. Learn another language… in your sleep. When you fall asleep your brain doesn’t just turn off. On the contrary, research has shown that the sleeping brain does receive, process and perhaps even store information. So why not use your good nights sleep effectively by listening to one of the many foreign language audio books. And while this technique may not be the only means of mastering a second or third language, it will make things a little bit easier.

If these uses don’t seem practical to you, they might put you in the mindset to think of your own ways to utilize audio books. And although some may say that listening to audio books is no substitute for reading, the growing popularity of audio book rental services such as Jiggerbug.com may eradicate paper books completely or at least come close!

Every 1000-Watt Station Can Help: A Strategy for Today’s Talk Radio Scene

Bill O’Reilly, host of Fox News Channel’s The O’Reilly Report, was quoted in Talkers Magazine about how he cracked the bestseller list.

“In the beginning, we couldn’t get on Good Morning America, or the Today Show or any of that. Elite newspapers wouldn’t review the book. We had to rely on talk radio,” O’Reily said. “Talk radio has shown a much better return (than our advertising dollars).”

There’s no doubt that talk radio is a great vehicle for authors, because it allows them to give in-depth answers and puts them in direct communication with people who may want to buy their book.

But talk radio is not what it used to be.

The hosts of major-market radio talk shows with great audiences used to bring authors into the studio for long chats. An author could knock off a couple of those interviews and send sales on the way to the top. Those days are gone. Unless an author is a truly big name, the chances of hitting pay dirt with a couple of big radio interviews are history.

The reasons for this are two-fold. First, there are not as many big stations that accept talk show guests – many have gone to a music format or no longer accept guests that have a product or service to sell. Secondly, the amount of time an author will probably be on the air has dwindled. Radio talk shows have found that listeners are more likely to stay tuned if they have 3 10-minute guests on a show than one guest for 30 minutes.

So if you want your book to sell, you now have to pound the pavement and knock on every door.

Fortunately, in radio publicity, quantity works. There are hundreds of radio stations, and book authors shouldn’t thumb their noses at some of them just because they don’t have a hot host or 5,000 watts. Even with a 1000-watt station, you are still reaching an audience. Look at it this way. If a 1000-watt radio station has only 100 listeners, you might say it is not worth the trouble. But what if you could go to an auditorium and talk to 100 people about your book? Would you go? Of course you would. Not only that, but small stations allow you to practice for that big interview down the road.

A rookie baseball player doesn’t throw his first pitch against the New York Yankees. In print publicity, an author’s first interview is rarely with The New York Times. But an author who has had an interview with a hometown newspaper and a couple of magazines will be more prepared if The New York Times does call.

The Plus Side of Small-Station Bookings

It is the same thing with radio. It takes at least 10 radio interviews before most authors get comfortable behind the microphone. Small power radio stations allow you to practice how to be a great guest.

Some people seem born to be great communicators but an author’s expertise is in the written word, and it is rare to find a great author who is also a great verbal communicator. First time authors are especially prone to stage fright – yes, even on radio.

Typical errors for first time guests include not giving out the Web site address or 1-800 number, or not giving them out frequently enough. It’s also a mistake to mention these too often and upset the host, who will let you know that the show is not an infomercial. Technical authors have a tendency to slide into techno-babble, and even good guests inevitably walk out of their first few interviews knowing they could have been better. When first-time authors make these mistakes (and they will), it is best if huge audiences do not hear the error.

Booking small stations in quantity to get a high number of interviews helps you to get the explanation of your book down to a succinct few words. Talking with multiple interviewers, even though they don’t have huge audiences, will enable you to crystallize your thoughts on your book. It may even give you new ideas about your topic that you never realized before the interviews.

Booking small stations can be also an adventure. Be prepared to run into some hosts who are unprofessional, and make sure you confirm an interview at least twice before you will be on the air. Most of these hosts will not be as prepared as their big-time counterparts (meaning they probably have not read your book), so you’ll have to be ready to walk them through the major topics. Prepare for these interviews as though you have just met someone on the street for the first time and you are telling them about your book.

But if the hosts are not as prepared as they should be, you should still be on your toes. Very bright people listen to some very small radio stations; so don’t talk down to your audience.

Sorry; nothing will surely save you from the 1000-watt radio station in Peoria that is being hosted by a kid right out of broadcast school. But remember, even that small-time interview may prepare you for the big time.

The Characteristics of Soul

At the dawn of spring, I am reminded by my children the joy of anticipating new life. They will usually see a flower or two that has made its way through the soil to a world beyond itself. What starts out as a seedling or bulb is transformed by nature's capacity to evolve. Inside each of us lies dormant an awareness, an identity, an ability to grow beyond what we appear to be. Every moment, we are being challenged by others and by circumstances to create a life that exceeds our present state of living. To move toward our highest good takes a willingness on our part to let go of what we know to what can be known in and through us. You and I are part of the Created Order we see around us, and we are participants in Creating Order out of what we have been given to care for. With this in mind, let us turn to ways our soul can be described in the characteristics that make up a flower: 1. The Ground. The ground nurtures, protects, and gives birth to a flower. Inside the womb of the ground, life is taking root long before we can see it. Because we cannot see a flower that has been planted in the earth, does not mean life is not being created. To be full participants in our world means to be fully connected and rooted in the world we have been given. 2. The Stem. The stem begins its growth in the earth below and into the sky above. This part of the flower is the connecting characteristic of the plant. Much like humanity, we are in this world without being fully of it. This creates a sacredness to our lives. It is our unique ability to live and grow in a way no one ever has, is, or ever will. 3. The Flower. In full bloom, a flower is the illumination of all the life that has preceded it. The radiance and color that pour out of it create life. Notice the next time you look at a flower how you are affected by it. You may notice your heart open and be filled with joy. Or, you may notice more energy and clarity in your vision for being blessed with great beauty. 4. The Spirit of a Flower. The spirit of a flower is the life force moving in and through it. It is the essence of a flower that identifies with your spirit. This part of you opens from the inside out and becomes ONE with the spirit of a flower. It is the same energy that runs in and through you. Like a flower, you begin to radiate your own soul from the essence of your own being. Each spring, take the time to notice the part of you opening up to new life. Just like flowers, we grow from the inside out. What illuminates in our life began inside us. We nurture these inner qualities of attention until they eventually take root and grow into our daily lives. The growth that follows is created from what we attend to or hold our attention on within us. Like the pedals of a flower opening to the world around it, we create a presence of awareness. In full bloom, the beauty or the lack thereof touches the lives of everyone around us. As our inner patterns of attention move through us, the world illuminates the seeds of awareness contained within us for so long. Here, a life is created. It is the life of our soul. Samuel Oliver, author of, "What the Dying Teach Us: Lessons on Living" For more on this author; http://www.soulandspirit.org