Everybody is Happy in Their Own Way

Morning. I’m running late to work as usual. I’m rushing out of the door, buttoning myself up on my way. There’s Ivan Kuzmich sitting on the bench. Everybody calls him Grandpa Kuzya, he is about 80 years old, but his mind is not that of an old man at all.
- You’re in a hurry again? – the old man asks.

- Yeah, no happiness in personal life, - I reply finishing buttoning up.

- That’s because you don’t know what happiness is, - he reproaches me.

It’s hard to put up, pay no heed that being 49 something I haven’t known happiness.

I stop short, realizing that now I’m sure to be late. But to catch the old man in his overweening delusion is far more important that telling-off at work. What could an elderly person know about happiness? If he ever had it, it was forgotten long ago.

- Ivan Kuzmich, and do you know what happiness is? Did you have a cool Mercedes, sexy mistress, pretty wife? And maybe you used to be The Party’s Secretary General? Or a major research worker? Maybe you found and proved the formula of happiness? Tell me. What is this all about?

- I’ll tell you just in a word as you’re in hurry. Just briefly and understandably.

Listen. Being at work do not think about alcohol and holidays. Celebrating a holiday do not think about work. Being next to your wife, do not think about mistress, while being with your mistress do not think about her husband. Don’t talk to a policeman about money and with kids and neighbors about your problems as the first won’t understand while the late will be glad. Don’t lend money, in the evening don’t borrow salt, don’t throw out garbage. Bring your salary home, don’t be jealous about your wife, check your kids’ marks, walk your dog sometimes. And the main thing – always think before you say something. Don’t say anything just to say. You know, a word spoken in past recalling. And for the head working well eat cereal in the morning.

- So you want to say that if I think only about my wife, don’t think about vodka, don’t talk about money with cops, don’t borrow salt from my neighbor and eat cereal in the morning, I’ll be a happy man? Is that you formula of happiness?

- That’s it, that’s my formula of happiness, - the old man replies with joy, - and you should find yours yourself. When you find it, you’ll feel like a happy man.

- Hey, it looks like you’re talking just to kill time. Cereal, vodka, cops… why should you tell me all this?

- Well… yesterday I’ve been to a dentist. Been installed new dentures. He said that I should speak a lot to get used to them. And here you are, I talked to you and seem to get used…

Honesty

Those who pride themselves on their honesty should also concern themselves with this principle: The effectiveness of honesty depends on a person's willingness to face the truth, which may conflict with this person's desires and provoke denial. In such a case, how can one promote this willingness, despite this conflict? The answer to this question could prove useful to anyone who seeks to be effectively honest with people in denial. Ultimately, it could benefit these people, whose denial is contrary to their best interest. I go on the assumption that truth, or the conformity of thought to reality, is the sine qua non of vital efficacy. Health, pleasure, successful careers, and harmonious relationships require that we know the needs and capabilities of our nature, and the workings of the world. The absence of this knowledge leads to accidents, illness, suffering, failure, and death. Therefore, the first object of our desires should be truth, or the knowledge of ourselves and the world around us. Why then are people often unwilling to face it? I believe there are two reasons for this unwillingness. Firstly, the desire to know the truth, which originates in the desire to live happily, spontaneously degenerates into the desire to be right, to avoid the insecurity and shame associated with error and ignorance, and also to avoid the effort to learn. Thus fear, pride, and laziness are obstacles to the pursuit of truth and happiness. People are unlikely to admit they are wrong when they are, unless they possess courage and humility. Whoever takes their good to heart should help them develop these virtues. Secondly, the truth may be known from experience about a happy way of life. The desire to know the truth then turns into the desire to see the truth last. Mental inertia becomes the law, proportional to the force of attraction exerted on the mind by this happy way of life. Any upheaval that breaks the status quo is denied: "I cannot believe it; this cannot be happening." Reality is deemed unreal because it no longer tallies with the desired truth. Denial can therefore be regarded as a deviant process that conforms facts to ideas, instead of the opposite. Reason is overthrown and emotions reign, as one strives to prove reality wrong to spare oneself the loss of a happy way of life and the pursuit of another, this loss and this pursuit being associated with grief, strain, and doubt, or even despair. To help a person acknowledge an undesired truth about a radical change in reality, one has to couple honesty with wisdom to heighten this person's awareness of the human capacity for adaptation. This capacity is best illustrated by the example of people who have suffered a terrible misfortune and progressively discovered a new outlook and a new happiness, more enlightened and satisfying than the old ones. In addition, one has to stimulate the will of this person, who is left with a formidable challenge: to start her or his life over. Lastly, this heightened awareness and this stimulated will may weaken at times, calling for reinforcement. All in all, against the unwillingness to face the truth, the effectiveness of honesty is always difficult and uncertain.