Gossip: What People Say About It

Title:
Gossip: What People Say About It

Word Count:
386

Summary:
We decided, at a reader’s request, to write about gossip and, along the way, to note what others have gossiped about it. What might a gossip say under the influence of a confessional potion if asked, “Why do you always talk about other people?” “Apparently, because I have nothing much to say about myself.” Or as one Amanda Lear quipped, “I hate to spread rumors, but what else can you do with them?”


Keywords:
humor,laugh,laughs,laughter,news,newslaugh,comedy,fun,funny,spoof,spoofs,satire,joke,jokes


Article Body:
We decided, at a reader’s request, to write about gossip and, along the way, to note what others have gossiped about it. We decided, at a reader’s request, to write about gossip and, along the way, to note what others have gossiped about it.

What might one say under the influence of a confessional potion when asked, “Why do you always talk about other people?”

We imagined the reply, “Apparently, because I have nothing much to say about myself.”

Before we turn to the little basket of quotes we picked for you, we can also pass along a couple of our own consolations. One, it’s a lot better to be interesting enough to be talked about than to be the interested party who’s doing the talking. Two, gossip’s empty gambits take place in a playground, actually, on a seesaw. The child who delights to babble sees you way up there – the higher the better – and thinks that by putting you down he or she will put himself or herself up. Tada!

Now, we turn to what others have gossiped about it. It appears, not surprisingly, that brilliance has enlivened the subject only rarely.

“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” George Bernard Shaw

“I know that’s a secret, for it’s whispered everywhere.” William Congreve

“They come together like the Coroner’s Inquest, to sit upon the murdered reputations of the week.” Congreve

“I hate to spread rumors, but what else can you do with them?” Amanda Lear

“If you haven’t got anything good to say about anyone come and sit by me.” Alice Roosevelt Longworth

“She proceeds to dip her little fountain-pen filler into pots of oily venom and to squirt this mixture at all her friends.” Harold Nicolson

“I’m called away by particular business – but I leave my character behind me.” Richard Brinsley Sheridan

“Here is the whole set! A character dead at every word.” Same Sheridan

“There is only one thing in the world that is worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.” Oscar Wilde

“A professional athlete – of the tongue.” Aldous Huxley

Social sewage.” George Meredith

“Foul whisperings.” William Shakespeare (Sometimes referrred to in gossip as Billy Wigglestick)

Canada In Secret Talks To Trade Quebec For Florida

History does not record the existence of a single Canadian who has not wished his nation had a bit of tropical diversity.

As chilliness North of Niagara would have it, Ottawa has had an ongoing freeze-on, freeze-off relationship with the relatively trendy Province of Quebec, that charming faux-French survival of the Sun King’s proud misjudgments about the importance of the new world.

Now, Canadian legislators have given voice to the sunny idea, Let’s see if we can swap the independent-minded province for Florida.

The offer comes at a particularly opportune time, as a result of the unusually severe hurricanes that have been selecting the Sunshine State as a favorite destination.

The Bush administration has agreed to consider the proposal but admits that there are certain difficulties. For instance, the President will have to explain to his brother and closet presidential wannabe, Jeb, that he’s now a Canadian and can no longer run for President.

To make the loss of their palm-treed haven more palatable to Americans, the Canadians have volunteered to teach everybody in Florida how to speak French. Once, they reason, Florida is enlivened with the sounds of bon jour and merci beaucoup, the switch will seem as uneventful as just swapping one champagne and brie festooned place for another.

How to Play With a Paintball Gun Safely

A paint ball gun is something that just about anyone can have fun with. This is used in a sport that has grown into a huge success over the last few years. This game is some thing that has a lot of people fascinated and having a lot of fun at the same time.

There are so many different people that are playing with a paintball gun. Anyone can simply target shoot with their gun or they can play the game with a few friends. No matter what you decide to do with your paintball gun, the one thing that is very important is to play safely so that there is no one that gets hurt and nothing gets damaged.

Playing with a paintball gun is a necessity. There are no excuses for accidents that happen when you are not practicing a safe and well-organized game with a paintball gun. Any child that has a paint ball gun needs to understand the rules and the object of the game. There is no reason for childish acts that could result in a terrible situation. Parents should always be present when children are playing with a paintball gun. When a child misuses a gun, they should be reprimanded and taught the correct way.

When children are playing with a paintball gun, they should be well supervised. It is important for the children to have all of the information that is necessary for safety. All of the safety equipment that is recommended should be worn on all games. One should wear a facemask, long sleeves, long pants and gloves when they are playing paint ball. This is important because the hit of a paintball can sting when you are not protected with the proper items.

Paintball guns should always be used in a safe place. They should be used in remote areas that are not populated with people. If you are playing in your backyard, you need to make sure that you are not shooing at anything other than your target. You need to make sure that you know what you are shooting before you pull the trigger.

When a paintball is used in the proper way and with a little common sense, the game can be so much fun and give you a lot of exercise. There are no limits to the fun and excitement that you can have when you are playing a great game of paintball. You will find that the thrill of the game will bring you a lot of entertainment for a long time to come.

Have Some Dunk Tank Fun

A dunk tank is a box, one that is usually a see through, clear plastic type of box that is going to have someone sitting in the box. As someone is sitting in the box, another person who pays to get a few small balls, is going to aim at the target, and then as they hit the target, they are going to sink who ever is sitting in the dunk tank. The dunk tank can be a lot of fun, at parties, at schools, at conventions, carnivals and at fundraising events.

You can purchase a dunk tank and invest in your future of your program. The dunk tank is not going to cost a lot of money, and the best thing about purchasing a dunk tank, is that you can use it over and over again for fund raising events, for parties and for those events where you want all types of people to have fun together.

The dunk tank is going to need some type of storage for over the months when you are not going to use it. If you are going to use a dunk tank just once a year, you can put it in an area that is out of the way. Put it where it is going to be safe from the winter weather and that it is going to be out of the way from all the other activities that may go on in that area as well.

Have you ever used a dunk tank?
If you have never used a dunk tank, you are in for a grand surprise. What you will find is that someone is going to sit in the tank, above the water, above the oil or above that huge pile of worms, and when they fall, they are going down into that. What is going to happen is someone is going to pay a dollar or two and get a few balls. With these balls, they are going to aim at the target that is rigged to hold the person above the dunk tank. As the person hits that target with the ball the person then falls. Some dunk tanks are rigged to be difficult to hit, while others are easy to hit. You can determine how far someone is going to stand from the target and how close a child might stand to the target for a good aim.

Charging ‘for that’ chance to dunk someone is going to be based on the event that you are having. Different events include charities, for local fire companies, for someone who is sick, for someone who is trying to rebuild a home, or rebuild a school. All types of fund raising events can use a dunk tank when it is going to take place outdoors. Being outdoors it is not going to matter how much of a mess is being made with the water, mud or what ever you might be using in the dunk tank.

Free online games on allfun.com

Many people irrespective of age sex and social standing love to play games, with the ever growing trend of online gaming. Gamers are in the search for more thrilling online gaming experiences with other gamers. In your search for a social game site whether to spend your free time or for serious gamers, allfun.com is a must stop.

So why go to www.allfun.com? At AllFun.com you join a huge global game community, it is fast, friendly and best of all FREE, and the site is multilingual so it caters for a wide range of gamers. Many game applications can only be accessed and played online at a fee and focus only on a handful of games. On AllFun to play games access the AllFun website all you need to do is download and install the AllFun free social game application. This makes AllFun advanced and faster that the others. Once you download it, install it and proceed to create your free AllFun account

The free AllFun games are numerous in variety and the games gallery is growing daily. To be able to access the games on AllFun.com , all you need to do is go to the site and click on the Getting Started tab. You will be able to download AllFun free social game application in 3 easy steps. When the download is complete , you install the AllFun free game application no need to manually upload the new games daily. The game application downloads automatically.

Chess, Four in a Row, Checkers , Dots and Boxes, Tic Tac Toe, Go, Rummy, Bridge and Reversi are just some of the games in AllFun. So for you online game lovers, AllFun is the best gaming experience that offers you the application offline but access online to join other gamers in the numerous games it offers. So let you friends , family and colleagues know about AllFun.com and you can share the wonderful free fun gaming from AllFun. Join its all fun at AllFun.com

Dunk Tank Fun

Do you want to raise money for your school, Fire Company or perhaps you want to have a great time at a party? You can have fun with a dunk tank and raise money at the same time. What you need to do is find the dunk tank that you can put to use again and again in your fund raiser. If you are going to have a party every year, or if you are going to have a fun raiser every summer, a dunk tank is going to help you raise that money.

You can purchase a dunk tank online
You can purchase a dunk tank that is going to put someone on the spot, and into the water. You can find dunk tanks that are one seaters and two seaters if you want. There are dunk tanks that you can fill with water, and then drain for storage so you can use it again later. There are also dunk tanks that you use your own tub at the bottom of the box so that the dunk tank is shipped without that portion

A dunk tank that is sold without the tank on the bottom can be complete with the use of your own water barrel or dunk tank added to the mix. All you have to do is make one out of wood or you can find a huge plastic container. Sometimes even the small plastic swimming pools that are used as ‘baby’ pools in a families back yard is all you need in the dunk tank. Some dunk tanks come as a complete plastic box so you can fill it with balls, worms, dirt, water or what ever you might like to pay to have someone dunked into the bottom of the dunk tank.

If you want to raise money, the best way you are going to do this is by putting someone in the dunk tank that no one really likes, or at least someone of authority. If you put someone in the dunk tank, like a principal, or a commander, or someone that is generally in charge or what other people do during the day, you will find more people are going to pay to play at the dunk tank.

You can also fill the dunk tank with water, and put a pretty girl in the dunk tank. Men and boys are going to want to see the girl in a wet shirt, so they are going to pay to have their chance at throwing the balls at hitting the target to sink the girl. This is a great fund raising idea, you pay once for (the dunking tank) that you can use again and again, at additional fundraisers, for other events, and when you want to throw parties and have a great time.

Customizable Flash Games: Be A Monkey

Flash game designers are looking for new, innovative ways to draw attention to their creations these days. Free flash games are being played by millions of people online daily, but some designers are making their games customizable to put a new twist into an already popular internet arcade.

Many people got a chance to play the very popular elf game during Christmas 2006, created by Office Max, where a user could upload any face image, which would replace the elf’s default face. The result was about a thirty-second elf song and dance that provided hours of fun and laughs. Some of these creations can still be viewed by searching for the terms ‘elf yourself’ on Youtube.

Does anyone remember how bad we treated substitute teachers in school? Honestly, it seems pretty cruel to think of how students act when there is a sub in the classroom. Spitballs slapped the chalkboard, pencils stuck down from the acoustic ceiling tiles, and even disgusting sounds were made behind the teacher’s back. These are just a few of the classroom assault tactics that we are familiar with. I mean, think about it. Your boss or teacher is driving you nuts. In fact, they are annoying just about everyone. What better way to have some fun at their expense than by pasting their faces on a dancing elf? Now that we are armed with free weapons of ridicule on our PC that give us a harmless, yet hilarious platform for hours of endless fun, we can put down the erasers and let everyone in on the joke.

These types of flash games are fun for a small audience. But why stop there? We can now feature a bald Britney Spears, or a jailed Paris Hilton in our spoofs, for the entire world to see on sites such as Youtube. Why limit the viewing audience to a small handful? It is much more fun for millions of people to see our creations. Isn’t having your productions seen by the world, the new wave of the internet?

What is yet to come in flash media? 3d flash games are just around the corner. There’ll be nothing like being ‘in the game’. While sporting a nifty pair of 3d glasses and experiencing animation like never before, the PC gamer will get to see quite an improvement since the Jaws 3d movie debuted. Hopefully with the purchase of a PC Gamer magazine, we’ll get to play shorts created by the likes of Halo and Starcraft animation teams. These companies, who are already leading the pack in the design of action console games, will give you a 3d glimpse of their games in flash format to reach out to new online customers.

What is already here? Current technology has recently been responsible for design of a powerful development library, which allows creation of Macromedia Flash and Java based flash games and applications with advanced motion detection capability. In simple terms, this means users can play 80s classic Breakout, using only their hands to bat the ball and hit the blocks. Other games let you play simply by waving your hand in front of a webcam, such as an Air Drums game.

Flash game designers are ready and willing to try anything that gamers desire. Companies like Animated Marketing, are asking flash gamers to send their ideas for consideration to be created into flash media animation and free games. Apparently no idea is too outlandish. They want to provide more of what people are looking for in flash games and media.

Whether you want to see your boss dancing around in a monkey’s body, or play classic Breakout without a keyboard or mouse, flash programmers are giving online users hours of free, addictive fun.

Cave Days or King Mania

Humanity has really evolved, now we are looking at projects from flying cars, downtowns are filled with skyscrapers, third world countries are becoming unrecognizable in a good way, we have more new gadgets coming out than we know what to do with and take amazing things such as internet for granted.

Just imagine going back in time to the time when the kings were the ultimate power in their particular countries, how different the things were, well now you have a chance to do so, by reliving the king mania. You get to play a quick action strategy game, different from any you have seen before! King Mania challenges players to make quick tactical decisions as they struggle to conquer their opponents using a variety of buildings and units. Overwhelm your enemies with a collection of destruction spells, and reinforce your defenses with a range of structure upgrades. Use your increasing numbers to further accumulate power and remove the rival king from his throne! With so many unique battlefields, multiple structure upgrades and original music soundtrack you might not want to come back to reality after trying out this amazing adrenaline rush of an experience.

Lets for one second consider, that going back in time and doing it king style, and we are not talking about Burger King and you get a chance to go back even further, millions years back, when people lived in caves and grilled dinosaurs at BBQs, now that would be WOW! Well now you get to experience it, by reliving the little experience of two prehistoric buddies: one feels there must be more to life than just hunting dinosaurs, while the other enjoys every tasty bit of it! Then a woman comes along and all bets are off! Follow these funny cavemen through four full-featured environments with tons of humorous cut scenes and more than 100 goals to achieve! It's time to meet Ugo, Dawson and their friends in Cave Days, the game that reshapes the Stone Age! T-Rex included! You are sure have a thrill by having Prehistoric Side-Scrolling Fun with 4 Full-Featured Cave Men Environments, more than 100 various cave men goals and tasks to complete and of course you get to hang with the good old T-Rex, what else could you ask for.

Now go on and go back few hundred generations and see how your ancestors used to do it, enjoy!

Casual Gaming scene invaded by Chickens

Recently casual games have had great success and have become a multi billion dollar industry and due to that fact many game publishers are joining the party and releasing more and more games, thus resulting in new game genres developing. The most recent one being Chicken Games. And yes we are not kidding Chickens have recently been very prevalent on the Casual Gaming scene.

Here we feel it is our responsibility to tell you more about some of these Chicken Games and we don't mean games for those who feel scared of something, these games actually feature awesomely entertaining animated chickens.

Firstly, Chicken Attack Deluxe game, that has had great success amongst casual gamers lately. In Chicken Attack Deluxe she's back! The crazy chicken from "Chicken's Revenge" is back on the warpath with vengeance. Defending her chicks in this "Magic Ball" style game, this mama bird won't put up with any fowl play when she's defending her brood. Non-stop action will put your reflexes to the test as you battle to save the little chicks! Prove your skills as you team up with our heroic hen to defeat a world of crazy guys and evil beasts!

Secondly, the Chicken Chase game, are you feeling clucky by any chance? Your grandparents are asking for your help to save their chicken farm. If you can solve a series of missions, you will earn enough money to upgrade the farm little by little. Raise your brood, hatch the eggs, and keep the ravens from stealing your eggs and food.

And how about one more out of those games is the one from Chicken Invaders game, this time the third version that has been released after the great success of the first two game predecessors. In chicken invaders 3 game, where chickens for centuries we have oppressed them, grilling, roasting, stewing, and stuffing them in buns. The time has come for us to pay. Intergalactic chickens are invading Earth, seeking revenge for the oppression of their earthly brethren! It's time for chickens to invade!

There are also games that do not lack humor, for instance check out Egg vs Chicken game, that might as well be considered a comedy. From the team that created Diner Dash, here's a new hit game! Which came first, the Chicken or the Egg? Find out in this eggsterically funny action puzzler!

So what are you waiting for, go look for some of the chicken games, they apparently are the future of the casual gaming!

Enjoy

Russia Defends Iranian Nuke Program; Considers Position Good Customer Service

While the civilized world has reacted with horror at Iran’s plan to harness the energy of the atom, as in bombs away, Russia has steadfastly defended the menacing mullahdom’s nuclear ambitions. At first, any person distinguished for responsible behavior is taken back by such apparently reckless advocacy, not only because it seems wildly risky, if not outright self-destructive, but also because one does not expect it from people who have decided to present themselves as such reformed friends of humanity and trustworthy politicos that they dress in spiffy garb, instead of in their former universal drab. We, however, turn to the hard-learned observation that, if anybody’s behavior doesn’t’ seem to make sense, you probably just don’t understand what his or her goals are. Seen this way, the gremlin in the Kremlin is as obvious as the red power tie we often see dangling from Vladimir Putin's neck. Iran buys weapons from Russia and will now buy enriched uranium, too, and Russia is just servicing the customer. As V. P., who brought order to Russia by ordering his Russian cohorts around, said, “Once when I was in the KGB and didn’t have a lot to do, I read about the American department store tycoon, John Wanamaker, who once told a clerk, ‘When a customer comes in, forget about me.’ So when Iran comes up, I forget about everything but putting the customer first. It seems like the capitalist thing to do, and in the modern Russian economy, I think there’s at least room for that much free enterprise.” One would think that there would be some awareness of the geographical limits of his enthusiasm. After all, Russia is a lot closer to Iran than we are. There are also other inescapable aspects of the client relationship that ought to be considered, among them that Vladimir and his gangsta-rich associates look as much like infidels to the Iranians currently steering their ship of state toward the reefs of war as we do. What Lenin once said about capitalists apparently also applies to reformed communists: they would sell you the rope to hang them with.

April Fool’s trick

One of the best and funniest April Fool’s tricks was invented and played by me last year. I should say that my friend and me used to make fun of each other regularly on April Fool’s Day with varying success. That is my friend was on his guard and knew he should be ready for my dirty tricks, which made the task almost impossible to carry out. Last year not long before April Fool’s Day Andrey returned from Canada, where he’d been on a business trip (both of us work as translators of English for one company but on different floors). On April 1st I called Andrey, having arranged beforehand that the telephone girl should interrupt our conversation in a couple of minutes and say that Mr. Andrey Polyarov has a call from Canada. After that she put him through with another telephone in our room, and I quickly answered it. I should say that to change my voice and create the effect of “long-distance call” I wrapped the blower with a sweater and made use of loud speaker instead of receiver. A lot of people were standing still around me, excited that Andrey might recognize my voice. But their fears were groundless – he had no smallest piece of suspicion! I started speaking in English, my voice being loud and very formal: --Is this Mr. Andrey Polyarov? Andrey, a little anxious, replies: --Yes, this is me? Who am I talking to? --This is “Otrinto” company, where on March 11th you ordered two commercial vending machines of a total value of 3,141 Canadian dollars… -But I haven’t ordered any vending machines… -Excuse me, is this Mr. Polyarov? -Yes, this is me, but I haven’t ordered any vending machines, and I’m not going to pay anything. – Andrey was starting to lose his patience. I went on insisting… -I’m sorry but I have an order with your signature. By the way I remember you pretty well – you’re a Russian, stout, baldish, speaking with accent, right? -Right! But I repeat that I haven’t ordered these fucken vending machines… -Sir, I should warn you that in case on non-payment within a reasonable time we’ll have to bring a legal action! Andrey finally lost his temper, started yelling that he never knew any “Otrinto” company, never ordered anything and that I could stick my vending machines up my ass… The audience in our room couldn’t suppress a laugh, every word from underneath the sweater resulted in a burst of Homeric laughter. I was chuckling myself and couldn’t speak and play my role anymore. I tried to clear the air. -Andrey, this is me, Denis, April Fool! – but it was vain. Andrey was shouting that he knew no Denis. He wasn’t even realizing that I was speaking Russian to him… Of course I could go on further, providing Andrey with the details of his appearance, passport number, address… That’s what I had planned actually, but as I say it was absolutely impossible as my last words weren’t pronounced but were gurgling through the choking laughter.

Basketball For Short People: Basket To Be Lowered

Since the 1950s, when short but fast players had a chance of making it onto a professional court – such as the legendary Bob Cousy of the Boston Celtics, known for startling innovations like dribbling and passing behind the back – the sport has been dominated by ever taller athletes, starting with the arrival of Wilt, The Stilt, Chamberlain. Now, The National Basketball Association has come to realize that the trend to tall has demoralized people of who fall within the usual range of human height and that it has positively devastated short people. Compared to the slam-dunking ways of the seven footers, these distressed athletes just can’t get people interested in watching them hoop it up. As a result, interest in the game as a participation sport has waned, and the association is concerned that, as fewer people work up their excitement about playing it, fewer of them will pay to see it. In an effort to return basketball to the widely poplar place it held in the minds and hearts of the American public before it became the exclusive province of players whose mothers are suspected of stretching them as infants, the association is considering legitimizing a court just for people of average height, with a special accommodation for shorter people. The basic plan calls for the basket to be lowered by one foot for players from 5’ 6” to 6’ 6” and two feet for people who are even shorter but still imagine slam-dunking the ball and hanging from the hoop in a celebratory manner. When the new rules go into effect, virtually everyone will finally be able to play the game in as dramatic a fashion as today’s seven footers. For now the plan calls for limiting the innovation to amateur players, but the association confides that if fans once again take an interest in watching average-size people play the game, there is the potential to establish an entire new league, made up of speed merchants who are only eye-high to a current pro’s elbows.

Another Dracula, Another Flop

This week Warner Brothers joined the Walt Disney company in attempting to transform Broadway from a venue with a whisper of hope for social relevance into one that presents works that are the intellectual equivalent of Mickey Mouse caper. If Disney could do it with, for example, The Lion King, why couldn’t Warner Brothers find a property to achieve Broadway fame and fortune with? Unfortunately, their imaginations never soared higher than redoing the Dracula legend, based on a contemporary author’s odd novelistic take on it. In order to hew to Disney’s proven path to moronic megabucks, Warner hired the same songwriting team Disney did for The Lion King, Elton John and his comparatively invisible lyricist Bernie Taupin. Fortunately, the show was a no-go from the start. The word of mouth was devastating and the reviews turned out to make the word of mouth sound brilliant. The question is, why would anybody, given the entire world of properties to choose from or, on a wild bet, even to create an entirely original one, choose the exhausted and irrelevant legend of Dracula? As we of say about trying to work with an idea that doesn’t seem to have a life of its own, you can stand up a dead body, but you can’t make it sing and dance, and, once you let go, it’s bound to fall down.

Gas Prices Go "Gas-tronomical!"

Recently, the price of gas has gone up approximately three or four times a day, depending on how energetic the person is who climbs up and changes the prices at your favorite filling station, until the only word for the skyrocketing astonishment is "gas-tronomical!” President Bush took a bold stance on the issue, saying, ““Americans understand the price of crude oil is going up but they will not accept manipulation of the market. And neither will I!” Proud words, perhaps evoked partly due to anxiety about how his credentials as an ex-oilman might weigh untowardly on his credibility and on his already in-the-well approval ratings. In the same speech, perhaps not quite recognizing the astonishing similarity to manipulation, but in a consumer-friendly sense, he announced that he is increasing the supply of the suddenly pricey liquid by temporarily halting deposits to the U. S. Strategic Petroleum Reserve. Nevertheless, as a result of the dramatic revaluation of the ironically golden liquid, some surprising new players have entered the gasoline business. Tiffany has announced it plans to install a fuel pump next to the counter in which it displays its most extravagant diamonds. Cartier intends to retail the gaseous bauble in solid-gold thimbles. And DeBeers, the legendary diamond merchant, will promote its pricy petrol with a variation on its usual slogan, "A diamond is forever," with “A tankful is not forever." On the other hand, Average Americans, in an effort to accommodate the daily dozen or so price rises, have adopted new ways to get to work. One, called deep carpooling, requires commuters to stuff themselves into cars until their arms and legs are sticking out the windows. Another is to hitch a half-dozen or so cars together, so they can all move along with only one engine burning the precious fuel. Others have once again opted for the uncertainties of mass transportation and, as expected, are often arriving at work late en mass. But Americans are a can do people, no matter how much a can of Middle Eastern oil attempts to grease the skids in their wallets.

Free goughnuts

One night after spending hours in our local club and consuming large amounts of alcohol me and a few of my friends were on the way to a well know fast food chain outlet to get some food. At the doors we were stopped by a homeless guy asking us to donate him some money in order for him to get some food. Being nicely happy we decided to get him some ourselves. After spending, what seemed like hours in the queue we slowly walked back to the door only to discover that one of my burger buns was not there. Obviously I have decided to go back and complain. Surprisingly a nice lady at the counter did not even ask any questions. She was very apologetic and on top of that I got given 6 chocolate doughnuts as compensation. On the way out I have discovered a bun lying on the floor next to the door. It turned out that when I was carrying my food I have managed to lose the top bit of my burger. So it was not kitchen staff’s fault at the end. Nevertheless we walked out to get some fresh air and eat our food. Outside there was the same homeless guy asking more people to sponsor his meal. He was probably even less sober than us because he came up to me for the second time with the same food request. Since I now had extra doughnuts I decided to give him the whole lot of 6 as well as the chips we got him. It does feel good helping someone less fortunate than you. The homeless guy took the food, had a little sniff and binned the whole lot straight away. While me and my friends were standing there stunned by his audacious behaviour he turned around and went off to ask more people for money. I guess he was not hungry after all…

Just Horsing Around

1. What is the fear of horses called? A. Hippophobia B. Riddiophobia C. Sadlophobia D. Equiphobia A. Hippophobia TBD: Hey, you know we dosn't make this stuff up, right?!? 2. Which is NOT a form of horse racing? A. Flat racing B. Harness racing C. Steeplechasing D. Hop-scotching D. Hop-scotching TBD: Did you know that horse racing may well be the oldest sport? By the time humans began recording history it was already well established. Does that mean that book making may really be the oldest profession? 3. Which is NOT a breed of American saddle horse? A. Tennessee Walker B. Morgan C. Quarter Horse D. Kentucky Sprinter D. Kentucky Sprinter TBD: Although, it could be an unofficial breed! 4. The horse's single toe on each of its four feet is its most marked anatomical characteristic and makes it a perissodactyl or odd-toed ungulate. The horse shares this trait with which other animal? A. Rhinoceros B. Tapir C. Elephant D. Cow E. A and B F. C and D E. A and B TBD: Very curious, indeed. 5. Which is NOT one of the three classic American races that make up the Triple Crown? A. The Bluegrass Stakes B. The Belmont Stakes C. The Preakness Stakes D. The Kentucky Derby A. The Bluegrass Stakes TBD: Even though we live in Kentucky, we haven't attended the Kentucky Derby, but we have been to the Bluegrass Stakes (which is a precursor to the Derby) and won money! 6. How were horses introduced to the Americas? A. They were brought by Spanish Conquistadors and explorers in the 16th century. B. They crossed the land bridge with early man. C. They were always there. D. Leif Eriksson and his Viking crew brought them. A. They were brought by Spanish Conquistadors and explorers in the 16th century. TBD: Apparently a species of horse developed in America, but died out, possibly due to disease, so there was no native horse. 7. Is one of these NOT a breed of draft horse? A. Belgian heavy draft horse B. English shire C. Clydesdale D. Percheron E. They are all draft horses! E. They are all draft horses! TBD: As primarily a visual connoisseur of horses, The QuizQueen is partial to the Clydesdale. 8. The Roman Emperor Caligula is famous for many things, but he was also a horse lover, so maybe he wasn't all bad. What did he once want to do for his favorite horse, Incitatus? A. Name her his consort. B. Name him his successor as emperor. C. Appoint him consul of Rome. D. None of the above, he actually ate roasted horse for dinner every night. C. Appoint him consul of Rome. TBD: As if we needed still further proof of what a very bizarre person he was. 9. The moons of Mars are named for the mythical horses that drew the chariot of Mars, the god of war. Can you name them? A. There was only one horse, Pegasus. B. Phobos and Deimos C. Logos, Pathos, and Ethos D. Alpha, Beta, Sigma, and Theta. B. Phobos and Deimos TBD: Hey, that was hard, but you had a shot if you knew either your astrology or your Greek mythology, right? 10. One of the most famous horses in television history is Mr. Ed. Which is NOT a true Mr. Ed fact? A. His original name was Bamboo Harvester. B. He lived to be 30 years old and died Feb. 28, 1979. C. He was raised to be a parade and show horse. D. He was Roy Roger's original sidekick, before Trigger. D. He was Roy Roger's original sidekick, before Trigger. TBD: He was however owned by the president of the California Palomino Society. 11. What was man's earliest relationship with horses? A. Dinner: Man hunted the horse. B. Dinner: The formerly carnivorous horse hunted man. C. Transportation: Man used the horse for hauling and transporting himself and his goods. D. Security: The early horse helped keep watch for danger. A. Dinner: Man hunted the horse. TBD: Although by the Bronze Age man was using the domesticated horse, in the earlier Stone Age the relationship was strictly food chain. 12. How many horses have been Triple Crown winners? A. 11 B. 21 C. 31 D. 13 A. 11 TBD: They are Sir Barton, Gallant Fox, Omaha, War Admiral, Whirlaway, Count Fleet, Assault, Citation, Secretariat, Seattle Slew, and Affirmed. The last one was in 1978.

Care And Use of The Dunk Tank

The dunk tank is one that can be made of plexy glass or that can be made of glass. No matter what the walls of your choice dunking tank are going to be made of you want to be sure to clean and dry out the dunk tank before putting it away each time. As you put the dunking tank away every season, if you have it dry and moisture free, it is not going to crack in the cold, and it will not rust where there may be any metal on it.

The dunking tank is one that can come apart to be stored in pieces that are flat, or perhaps you want to keep it al together and put it away as a box. Without tearing the dunking tank apart, all you have to do is put it in a closet, and close the door until next year when you want to get it back out for a bit of fun again.

If you have an act that you put on for children or for parties, you can use a dunk tank as part of the act if you like. The dunk tank can be filled with all types of things. For small children, colored water is going to be best, or it could be sand, or small colored balls. For those who are a little older, water, oil, jello or even something that is yucky like spaghetti sauce or noodles could fill the dunk tank. For those who are looking for real excitement, you can fill it with snakes, worms, and mud, something that looks like blood and guts or manure. These are ideas that are along the fear factor theme, and you can use them to raise lots of money or cause all types of laughter at the party you are holding.

Where can you purchase a dunk tank?

A dunk tank can be purchased online or offline, or you can also find all types of plans to build one on your own. If you want to purchase a dunk tank online, look for the measurements, and be sure that you know how big a tank you are getting, what accessories (such as the balls) are included, and how much freight will be to get it to your house. If you are looking to save a little money, and you are handy in building things, you can purchase the plans with a few accessories online, and then build a dunk tank yourself.

It will take a few hours, and a bit of money, but you can build a dunk tank that will be similar to what you can purchase online. The dunk tank that you build may be a little smaller, a little bigger or a little more colorful, but the end result is that you are going to put something together that is going to be fun for all that come to use, know and get dunked in that tank!

Bin Laden Releases Another Audiotape: Hideout Too Dark For Video

Apparently, unable to contain his enthusiasm for bumming out the relatively nice and unsuspecting folks who make up much of the Western World, the misinformed medievalist has released another drearily threatening audiotape. Since the combined political, military, and intelligence resources of the civilized world cannot locate the potato head, we suggest the audiotape be taken as an opportunity to arrest him. Here's how. Somebody buys the resourceful recluse a video camera and battery-powered lights. Since he long delighted to display his narcissistic self and give voice to his lamentable disjunction with informed thought, we assume that either he is not currently in possession of a video camera or that he is hunkered down in a hideout that is too dark to shoot anything but firearms. It cannot be that he is afraid a video will reveal his location, because he always has the option of hanging the same kind of chintzy curtain behind him that his original second in medieval misguidance, Aman al-Zawahiri, uses when he comes out of the cave long enough for his eyes to adjust to the light to make an inflammatory video, with, we’ve noticed, production values that are on about the same level as a commercial for a discount chain that’s struggling to get foothold in a Mexican border town. The only condition is, upon receipt of the equipment, OBL has to agree to make a video about directions to his hideout. To prolong his short-lived celebrity, he can even deliver it in installments. The media will be wild for it. We do not know why he will not accept this opportunity for the worldwide display of his long-cramped ego, because, at last report, he only had four wives, and, if he believes his own deadly dumb preachments, after he goes to the paradise of his overheated and woefully misguided imagination, he can have twenty-seven virgins. Of course, we must interject that any man with four wives who would contemplate having twenty-seven virgins as a good time has done very little reflection on what it’s really like to have four mates and has exceedingly little experience with virgins. He needn’t be excessively concerned about these impossible complications, however, because, as linguistic analysis has sometime ago revealed, the Arabic word for virgin may also mean grape, depending on whether or not it occurs with a grave. It appears that, in the particular context in which he has applied it to assure the ready suicide of fellow but somewhat more imbecilic emanations from The Dark Ages, the meaning is 27 grapes. So the mad, mad Muslims slammed into our World Trade Center – which was, in fact, a mutual treasure of the human race, erected to facilitate worldwide economic competence and development – and incinerated nearly three thousand of our beloved, hard-working and comparatively normal people did it to reap imaginary rewards they could have picked up at a fruit market. Meanwhile, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, his lackey who’s not an Iraqi, did his boss in absentia one better. Spiffily attired in black as a cool enemy of humanity, he rattled on with the same ill-informed drivel he and his mentor have both become wanted for, even by their own people. Ah, what a toll we must pay for the deadly duo of ignorance and backwardness! Witness the unconscionable bombing in the Egyptian resort of Dahab, apparently timed to follow OBL’s latest audio-only pontification. How do people who have no feeling for their fellow human beings expect anyone to do anything but excoriate and execute them? Somebody ought to tell them that fellow-feeling is actually the major sentiment that makes the human race worthy of its own continuance upon this blessed but blighted earth. As for OBL, when will some real-life Indiana Jones find out where he is hiding, so we can finally give the misguided pest his overdue rest?

Met Meets Greece's Request; Returns Ancient Toilet Seats

The Metropolitan Museum of Art, having recently agreed to return one of the finest vases in its collection from the Classical Age of Ancient Greece, has also consented to return the collected toilet seats from the ancient Cretan port city of Ephesus. The decision has come as a welcome relief to the Greek tourist board, whose embarrassed guides annually answer the same question that tourists ask approximately a thousand times a day. The innocent travelers behold the long cement benches with curious holes that grace an area of their walking tour. Philippe de Montebello, Director of the Metropolitan Museum, stated, “I felt returning the priceless vase was the correct step for us to take. It was a pirated item, and I dress far too nattily to be imagined with a piratical patch over one eye. As far as the return of the toilet seats is concerned, we had kept them in storage, because space at the Met is limited, particularly in regard to items I personally prefer not to put on display. So, hearing about the plight of the tour guides, I decided that shipping these less-than-priceless thrones back to Greece is the thoughtful thing to do.” Tour guides cheered the decision. It remains to be determined if the Greek government will consent to put one on display at Ephesus or will, as the Met did, insist on keeping them private.

Clever Mayor Roy Nagen: Has Runoff Election With White Guy Who Looks Just Like Roy Himself

We wouldn’t even hazard a guess at the odds against such a outcome, but the runoff election in New Orleans looks about as bizarre as anything you’re likely to see even in the Mardi Gras. Roy Nagen, the Mr. Malaprop of mayoral politics, who alienated white voters when he voiced the proud hope of making the city, in the wake of Katrina, “chocolate again,” has gotten himself caught up in a runoff election with a white guy, Lieutenant Governor Mitch Landrieu, who, at least to us, looks just like a paler version of Roy himself. Answer the following true or false questions: Do both gentlemen shave their heads? Do both have similarly round faces? Do both of their ears curve the same way? Are their noses amazingly similar? So what’s going on here? Is clever Roy actually both candidates? Could he have asked Michael Jackson for advice on how he might transform himself into a whiter shade of Roy? As the saying goes, if it walks like a bird from the bayou and it talks like a bird from the bayou, it must be a bird from the bayou. All we can say is, may the best man win, especially if the two candidates are different men.